Countdown of Ex-Boyfriend’s Gifts

Featured

Hey guys!
Had a nice weekend? Stressful morning? Thought to post funny article for your lunch break….
Do not hesitate to comment or add your list…

Countdown of Ex-Boyfriend’s Gifts by @UnenAmeji

So it is a Sunday and I am going through my wardrobe. Music playing in background, clothes all around and I am tripping on shoes, brushes, books and toiletries. Definitely chaos in my room and this dude down here – Leo is responsible for most of it. He makes sure I have more work to do than necessary.

Leonardo in his element

Leonardo in his element


Sidebar: If you are in a relationship and have issues giving gifts, you should not be in one. Needless to say you won’t be remembered when it ends (trust me it ends with me sooner than later) or rather you’d be remembered for the measly rat that you are. #AkaGum
Without much ado, here are gifts received in no particular order;
1. House Still pending
2. Car Still pending
3. Diamonds Still pending
4. Exotic Trip Still pending
5. Spa session Still pending
6. Brazilian Hair Still pending (I will sell it and buy more shoes since I don dey eye dreadlocks)
7. Cash – millions Hundreds of thousands
8. Books e.g Monster by Frank Peretti _ never going to read it. (I am willing to trade it for book on Nigerian Slavery though- contact me at @UnenAmeji on twitter)
9. Sony Camera (Had an artistic phase and he suffered the consequences – sorry)
10. Mobile phones (Nokia, Blackberries – change phones a lot)
11. Part of Laptop (We saved for it – cute no?)
12. Bottles of Perfumes (Seems like I’m cursed with this one)
13. Hand bags (Had some ugly matured ones though..kai)
14. Shoes (Kitten heels – Maka Why! And ah, the cute twin slippers family members decided it was for public use – beefing)
15. Biggest pant (knickers) I have – Mr. I.I
16. Smallest pant (knickers) I have – Mr. I.I
17. Smallest bra I have – Mr. I.I ….(Don’t know what he was thinking)
18. Wristwatches (constant K)
19. Blouses, T-Shirts and Tank Tops (some hideous blouses – it’s a challenge to wear)
20. Jean trousers (Faded – don’t know how new)
21. Night wear (There is one I have worn to shreds…damn too comfy and makes me feel really sexy…hehehe)
22. Running shoes – (I would rather have a personal trainer)
23. Jewelry – (Leo found the box and had a little session with some, sis-moi swept the most recent one into the bin – she denies this allegation with straight face)
24. 1 no. fresh Rose flower (I hated the thought, I loved the gesture – it was romantic *kissed and I tried to preserve it _ No such luck )
25. Ah! Boxers (I steal borrow and don’t return – wearing one as I type)
26. Traditional outfits and Ankara fabrics (traditional outfit looked too serious – like a married woman with 8 children – nah)
27. Eye glasses (Looked like I was trying too hard to be hip and young – gave it out)
28. Weed – admirer (to treat glaucoma for a close relative – I SWEAR I didn’t take it)
29. Chess board – admirer (can’t find it but can play it _ thanks Mr. U)
30. Vintage piece of furniture – bribe from informal recruiter (long story)
31. Sweater (more appropriate name should be furnace)
32. Towel (lovely until you want to wash it – wet blanket is lighter)
P.S – The above list excludes lunches, dinners, cinema dates, air time and driving lessons from my two and a half boyfriends. Items in plural indicate gifts were given on numerous occasions. I may have left out some gifts…perhaps an updated list? If I am jobless again.
Unsolicited advice: Give good gifts _ I do……..it keeps the memory alive. I see some of these things now and remember these men and wonder what life would have been like with them and then again I remember why it was never going to work. Lessons learnt, growing days and forging ahead. I don’t remember measly men as a rule. And while we are still at giving gifts, be wary of men who don’t give gifts because they feel and tell you “you are a rich and independent woman”. Most often than not, they are just there to feel vacuum, waste your time and get what they can from you. Even a rich “independent” woman deserves a real man who will impress and give her meaningful gifts.

While I would like to continue making the list, ‘travel down memory lane’ and give unsolicited advice, I have got to clean and get back to writing the Gentlemen’s Club series. So….drop your comments, your lists and unsolicited advice.

Gentlemen's Club ....Anonymous.Front page

Get the first of the series Here if you haven’t.…consider it as a gift or helping a determined writer raise funds to publish her big book….

I am off to continue cleaning….

Nice week!

Read Gentlemen’s Club Excerpts Here 18+ #Erotica #Suspense #Fiction

Advertisements

Book Release: Gentlemen’s Club by Uneñ Ameji is Finally Out

Featured

Uneñ Ameji, African Stories affiliated Author is out with a new mini series titled “Gentlemen’s Club“. It is exclusively available on the Okadabooks App.

Kindly click here to download the Okadabooks app

Get the book here

An erotica series, Gentlemen’s Club, set in modern day Nigeria, tells a different story of love amidst suspense and heated sexual scenes. She promises it would get hotter as she unveils each part, connecting myriad experiences and stories for the enjoyment of her readers.

Gentlemen’s Club…Anonymous the first of the series is about Talatu Sani-Sabo, owner of an art gallery and independent woman who wants a child at all cost. Tally is introduced to sex services rendered by the infamous club by her friend, Lucy – a bisexual.

All is set until she meets the wrong man.

Yakubu Aman, an artiste and ace music producer is searching for the right woman. He is ready for love but he finds lust. By fate, he meets a woman who he can fall in love with but she solicits for sex – A 21st century desperado.

Will Yaks choose love over decency? What becomes of their night of erotic pleasure?

Find out.

Kindly click here to download the Okadabooks app

Get the book here

Front Cover-page-001

Remember to comment after reading the book on the app. You can also send in your reviews to mailafricanlovestories@gmail.com or simply comment below.

Enjoy your weekend!

Release Date: Gentlemen’s Club (18+)

Featured

Hey guys!

As promised, we have a release date for the new series “Gentlemen’s Club”.

The #NewErotica Series “Gentlemen’s Club” by @UnenAmeji will be available in electronic format on the 30th of January, 2015. Keep watching this space on how you can get it.

Below is an excerpt….enjoy
Front Cover-page-001

PROLOGUE

THE DEEP-THROATED MOANS, SQUISHY FUCKING SOUNDS AND HEIGHTENED gasp coming from the twisted bodies on the large white bed barely made visible by light rays from the flat screen TV excited the man sitting at the dark corner, the perfect angle where he watched eager body parts sinking into each other with such ferocity and precision.
It would be any moment now – their climax. His eyes glued to the wet juncture of their thighs and ears listening to the pathetic pleading sounds of the girl whose body could no longer take the onslaught, he climaxed just as she did but the initiation ceremony was nowhere near completion.
The newest member of the Gentlemen’s Club who was keen on becoming a member was fit as a horse, endowed beyond belief and vastly skilled in fucking. The man smiled with glee as he watched the young man reach over and flip the girl like a doll before positioning himself firmly behind her, all pleas from the girl falling on deaf ears as he found her hot wet hole and penetrated deeply. The young man needed to cum but more important was to prove himself. And from all indication, it wasn’t going to be anytime soon.
He fucked like his life depended on it and Imonike knew he had found a money maker. The small sobs spilling helplessly from the busty girl soon turned violent as he fucked her; ruthless and relentless, she metamorphosed into a raving lunatic spewing abuses most abominable and demanding to be fucked to death amidst cries to make her cum and a cackle that sounded like a wounded hyena.

Metamorphosis – Imonike’s favorite word.
“ noun (n) [met-uh-mawr-fuh-seez]…a complete change of form, structure, or substance, as transformation by magic or witchcraft.” he recited under his breath as he watched the young man reach his end. Holding strangely still as he climaxed, he emptied loudly into the unprotected womb of the local prostitute picked from the brothel downtown. The condom was in shreds and none of them had asked for extra.
For some reason Imonike ‘Joku Adibe loved magic and sex; and a sex magician who owned a laundry outfit he became. He often thought the art of sex was in itself magical and only dedicated fuckers blessed with the magic wand had the right to call themselves men. His father had an enormous wand that he had given to each of his sons and Imonike was grateful for it even if the man who had given him was a complete waste of creation.
Imonike had discovered sex early by watching his parents fuck night after night oblivious to the watching eyes of their five sons lying on the floor in the hot dark tiny room. Even the mosquitoes who constantly sucked their sick blood would pause to watch. Sometimes, Imonike was sure his parents might have been putting up a show for them; perhaps some form of sex education or simply because they were shameless animals who lived to breed and abuse. His father died fucking the neighbor’s wife on a Sunday morning while the faithfuls went to church. His mother moved in with the husband that night. Imonike left home in the morning – never to return.
A laundryman whose mind was far dirtier than the clothes he washed, Imonike knew he was going to be someone important one day but how important was left unknown. The Gentlemen’s Club, the name of his dry cleaning outfit he started while in his second year at the University doubled as the name of his ‘group’ of two fuckers. Ebele, his partner had ‘resigned’ from active duty after graduation. The club founded 10 years ago was for the dark and wealthy – desperate women who needed discreet sex services. This line of business was common yet Imonike knew the niche was evergreen and over the years, he reformed, re-strategized and groomed his men to provided excellent services for lonely, vulnerable and rich women.
Yes, the Gentlemen’s Club had just found their 10th member and he knew he had to expand his operations soon.
“That was one good fuck” he said darkly, his deep baritone filling the room as the young man tried to locate the man sitting in the dark.
“Seems like you have found a place with us Melvin. Welcome to the club” he continued with punctuations as he lit his cigar before pressing the intercom.
“Cancel the rest. I have what I need for now”.
The Gentlemen’s Club prided itself on recruiting only one member every year and this was the tenth year. He smiled smugly as he remembered his beginning – A broke undergraduate and laundryboy who stumbled on a group of neglected rich housewives and desperate old maidens.
“Metamorphosis” he repeated and watched the young man stroke the fair thighs of the prostitute with relish before parting it to the juice he had created. Imonike nodded his approval and the young man dug in.
It was time to dine.

****
Please drop your comments and ‘share’ discreetly with adults – if you can admit to reading Erotica…hehehe

More information as it comes….enjoy your week.